Don't Demagnitize Me

This is one from a private blog of mine from about two years ago...


Buy now pay later….are people starting to operate under this mantra in more than just shopping for cars? With everyone around me having children at 18 and getting married after six months, are people rushing into relationships thinking they can always just pay for the possible repercussions later? Is it fear of winding up alone? Or is everyone just living for the now?

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Are we so wrapped in what we’re feeling NOW and what’s happening NOW that we refuse or can’t look into the future at what could possibly happen? It seems as if the couples around me are settling. Just recently I was talking to one of my single mother friends and she said she wishes she would have thought twice about trying to have a baby with her ex-boyfriend, but she was so in love she didn’t forsee them falling out of love, or ending the relationship. Now she has the responsibility of a child and no one to help her. This is a girl who once dreamed of becoming a teacher at a university, or a writer. And now she aspires to become manager of the grocery store she works for. Not that being a manager of a place is bad, it just seems as if she’s paying for her decisions. But had she ‘thought twice’ like she said, she may not be going through this.
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I’m not saying that young mothers are idiots and are going to pay. Some really enjoy being mothers and are really good at it. Some feel as if that’s what they were supposed to do all along. But it’s those that don’t feel that way that I’m talking about.
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The number of divorces is higher than ever, and climbing. It’s as if people really are ‘buying now, paying later’. I’m not saying I’m above reproach. I myself almost got married on a line of credit. Had we gone through with it, I would have been repaying, with extremely high interest within a year. Why? Because I was afraid of being alone. I mistook young love for undying love. And I was willing to overlook certain things so that I could get married and live my dream. Those things I was willing to overlook would have caused disaster. It’s the same with many other people. We’re all willing to make allowances in order to get someone. Which is fine, if you’re overlooking that he always leaves the toilet seat up or that his best friend is kind of an idiot. It’s not fine if you’re overlooking infidelity, or a complete disregard for your feelings.
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I’m learning not to settle. Women (and men) need to really think about what they want in a relationship. Is it fidelity? Financial security? Flexibility? Adventure? Whatever it is you need to figure out what you’re looking for, and look for it. I’m not saying we should go on a marriage hunt, God no. But what is it you want right now? Or if you’re looking for the future, what about then? It’s your choice. But once you figure it out, you shouldn’t settle for anything less. If someone can’t give you what you’re looking for, or won’t, it’s time to move one and find someone who can.
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It sounds cutthroat and possibly evil, but then again aren’t breakups in general? And if you settle it’s either going to end in your breaking up or you hating each other. Either way, everyone loses.
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To quote the great and eloquent Jackson 5, it’s easy as ABC. Just know that if you don’t want to end up alone, you won’t. Simple as that. There are almost 7 billion people on this earth. And if as many of them are looking for someone as I suspect, there’s someone there for you. So never think ‘oh I shouldn’t break up with him, I’ll never find someone’. Don’t let your own fears and insecurities force you into eternal unhappiness.
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Also, think of it this way. You settle, marry this person, you start to hate each other, divorce, and now you’re 45 years old, droopy, wrinkly, and divorced. Truly undesirable. Whereas you COULD just not settle, find someone a little later, like when you’re 28 and stay with them forever. Your choice. I’d rather go with the one where I’m NOT wrinkly, droopy, alone.
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It’s taken me a while to figure out what I want. I want someone who’s honest, and isn’t going to cheat on me. I want someone I can laugh with, and who won’t take everything too seriously. I want someone who’s fairly polite and won’t make me want to die when he meets my parents. I want someone who’s easy to talk to. Who can stay in and watch movies with me, but can also surprise me and take me out every now and then. I want someone who gets my friends, and gets along with them. I want someone who’s manly and strong, and will stand up for me when I need it.
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Idk call me an optimist. Or an idiot, whichever you prefer. I just would like to think that I can live my life without regrets, exactly as I’d like to live it. Yeah, it can’t be perfect, and yes you’re going to date idiots and jerks, but you don’t have to STAY with them. It took me forever to figure that out, but thank God I did.