Monday, October 11, 2010

Angst...can I feel it when I'm not a teen?

Another oldie from the Myspace blog...

Angsty, huh. Yeah I put that. Not like...teen angst. I'm not over dosing on Xanex because mom won't let me go to the big game tonight. (but I HAVE to see CJ there.....he has his PERMIT mom, he's a dream!)

No, angsty just sounded like what I'm feeling. I'd pick a fight with this keyboard if I could. But then, I'm so tired I wouldn't have my usual arsenal of witty reparte. So screw it.

I almost put blustery, but that just made me think of some big, fat drooly guy with swish pants and a cough.

No, no...I'll go with angsty.

And I'm on a mac in the library and it doesn't support the funky fresh color editor doo hickey so that stinks. Although, I'm running out of new color combos that I actually like so maybe I shouldn't have said anything and called this my new avante gard approach.


I always do this. Although, I could go back and delete, but then you all wouldn't understand just how neurotic I really am, and that yes, I CAN hold a conversation with myself....

You know what I was wondering? You know how in Microsoft Word they have a little genie who goes behind you and capitalizes 'I' and such while you type? (Yes...a genie. I know this...because I know this). I want her to do that everywhere I type. Facebook, Myspace, wherever. I want her there. But not the little demon with the red squiggly line fetish. I hate him. Yes, I KNOW Pletka isn't in your dictionary but why must you leave your graffiti all over my paper?????

Hate him.

One day he and the Capitilazation (sp?) Genie are gonna get into it and then he'll get it. She's just biding her time until one day she's gonna go all Vista on his ass.

Idk what that means, but I said it.

I can't tell if lack of sleep in conjunction with ADD is good for the creative psyche or bad for society. Maybe both.

You know what else irks me?? You old women who wear too much perfume to the theater. What's your issue, buddy? You know you're going to be crammed next to someone, so why would you bathe in your Chantilly Lace circa 1912 before? Because you're evil. You all are. When I come out of the theater smelling like YOUR perfume...we've got issues. It's cute when your shirt smells like your boyfriend after you spent all day's NOT CUTE to smell like little Edna after seeing a play next to her. UGH.

Ok, ok I'll stop.

On a lighter note...SATC party soon?

You know you <3 me

What's the Story, Wishbone?- Another Vintage Post

This is another oldie from about two years ago...

I don't know why the gods above frown on me, but it's as if they REALLY really RRRRRRRREAAALLY get a kick out of my pain. For example...I'm in the library. A quiet haven, right? WRONG. There is a delightfully loud young lady sitting at the computer adjacent to mine talking wildly into her cell phone.

At least speak clearly so I can EAVES drop you bitch.

But really.

So I'm doing online math....which I find a complete and utter waste of my time. First of all, we have no paper work in my class, so if you don't understand something, you're kind of SOL. Then, the computer basically walks you through the online homework. Come test day, there's no funky fresh guide on a computer screen telling me how to graph a piece-wise function.


It's as if they WANT you to fail here in college. Which is entirely possible. Why else would each teacher treat their class as if it were your only class? What? A twelve-page paper a week, PLUS analyze the synaptic tendencies of the Madagascar cockroach? Why not, I say. I mean, I only have three other papers, ten books (aside from my textbook) to read, and sixteen journal entries, and my left ovary all due next Tuesday.

And they charge you a fresh $16,000 a year to do this. Loooove it. But hey, we're getting off cheap, here.

I digress. College is quite an experience. It's the only place where a walk of shame is something to be proud of, where you can write that weird thing you did last night with your roommate off as 'normal college-life experimentation' , and where it's perfectly acceptable, if not preferable to drink beer for breakfast.

**side note** I do NOT have beer for breakfast, lunch, OR dinner. Nor will I ever condone such an action. However...mimosas are ok ;-)

Did I tell anyone about my recent relationship fiasco? No? Well here it is:

So I was dating this guy, Brandon. We had known each other a couple days before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I really needed a rebound, so I thought 'Why not?' BAAAAAAAAAD idea on my part. He was a total skeeze always needed a ride somewhere or something blah blah blah. After two weeks of dating, he said 'I love you'.


So I broke up with him. I didn't, nor would I ever love this kid. (I say kid, but he was 27). But we kept talking and hanging out because...well...I had nothing better to do.

So he has this best friend, Becky. She's really nice. She's staying with him while her and her boyfriend fight apparently. Well, ok whatever. So we all three hang out, we all hang out in a big group blah blah blah. (Keep in mind I don't do public displays of affection).

So I get bored and stop talking to him. He calls me up out of NOwhere crying so I go over there. There's a bunch of people I don't know milling around, and he won't tell me what's wrong.

So I go up to Becky and ask her.

Oh dear me.

She says: "I don't know what Brandon't told you, but he and I are together and have been for six years. I have no idea what your relationship is to him, but he told me you all were friends."


Jigga what??!?

Ha. Oh dear me.

Well, apparently she was pregnant with someone else's kid, hence his crying. Well, -I- start crying because I think 'OMG I just helped some jerk face cheat on his girlfriend'. Not to mention, she is so nice and cute I felt awful.

Well she was all like, 'It's not your fault don't feel bad, it's been going on for years etc etc.'

So I haul it out of there because

a) that's just a trashy situation that I really don't want any part of (b) had I stayed much longer I probably would have killed someone and (c) I had a party to get ready for :-P

So yeah. What irks me is that I'm not mad at him because I'm HURT (I had no feelings at this point) It's more because I was lied to and fell for it AGAIN.

I mean REALLY??!?! Shouldn't there be a quota to how many times a girl can be LIED TO?!?!?!

Ha. But really.

So that's my funny omg story of the month. Tune in next time where Lori may or may not die by killer mustache.


You know you love me ;-)

Don't Demagnitize Me

This is one from a private blog of mine from about two years ago...

Buy now pay later….are people starting to operate under this mantra in more than just shopping for cars? With everyone around me having children at 18 and getting married after six months, are people rushing into relationships thinking they can always just pay for the possible repercussions later? Is it fear of winding up alone? Or is everyone just living for the now?

.. ..
Are we so wrapped in what we’re feeling NOW and what’s happening NOW that we refuse or can’t look into the future at what could possibly happen? It seems as if the couples around me are settling. Just recently I was talking to one of my single mother friends and she said she wishes she would have thought twice about trying to have a baby with her ex-boyfriend, but she was so in love she didn’t forsee them falling out of love, or ending the relationship. Now she has the responsibility of a child and no one to help her. This is a girl who once dreamed of becoming a teacher at a university, or a writer. And now she aspires to become manager of the grocery store she works for. Not that being a manager of a place is bad, it just seems as if she’s paying for her decisions. But had she ‘thought twice’ like she said, she may not be going through this.
.. ..
I’m not saying that young mothers are idiots and are going to pay. Some really enjoy being mothers and are really good at it. Some feel as if that’s what they were supposed to do all along. But it’s those that don’t feel that way that I’m talking about.
.. ..
The number of divorces is higher than ever, and climbing. It’s as if people really are ‘buying now, paying later’. I’m not saying I’m above reproach. I myself almost got married on a line of credit. Had we gone through with it, I would have been repaying, with extremely high interest within a year. Why? Because I was afraid of being alone. I mistook young love for undying love. And I was willing to overlook certain things so that I could get married and live my dream. Those things I was willing to overlook would have caused disaster. It’s the same with many other people. We’re all willing to make allowances in order to get someone. Which is fine, if you’re overlooking that he always leaves the toilet seat up or that his best friend is kind of an idiot. It’s not fine if you’re overlooking infidelity, or a complete disregard for your feelings.
.. ..
I’m learning not to settle. Women (and men) need to really think about what they want in a relationship. Is it fidelity? Financial security? Flexibility? Adventure? Whatever it is you need to figure out what you’re looking for, and look for it. I’m not saying we should go on a marriage hunt, God no. But what is it you want right now? Or if you’re looking for the future, what about then? It’s your choice. But once you figure it out, you shouldn’t settle for anything less. If someone can’t give you what you’re looking for, or won’t, it’s time to move one and find someone who can.
.. ..
.. ..
It sounds cutthroat and possibly evil, but then again aren’t breakups in general? And if you settle it’s either going to end in your breaking up or you hating each other. Either way, everyone loses.
.. ..
To quote the great and eloquent Jackson 5, it’s easy as ABC. Just know that if you don’t want to end up alone, you won’t. Simple as that. There are almost 7 billion people on this earth. And if as many of them are looking for someone as I suspect, there’s someone there for you. So never think ‘oh I shouldn’t break up with him, I’ll never find someone’. Don’t let your own fears and insecurities force you into eternal unhappiness.
.. ..
Also, think of it this way. You settle, marry this person, you start to hate each other, divorce, and now you’re 45 years old, droopy, wrinkly, and divorced. Truly undesirable. Whereas you COULD just not settle, find someone a little later, like when you’re 28 and stay with them forever. Your choice. I’d rather go with the one where I’m NOT wrinkly, droopy, alone.
.. ..
It’s taken me a while to figure out what I want. I want someone who’s honest, and isn’t going to cheat on me. I want someone I can laugh with, and who won’t take everything too seriously. I want someone who’s fairly polite and won’t make me want to die when he meets my parents. I want someone who’s easy to talk to. Who can stay in and watch movies with me, but can also surprise me and take me out every now and then. I want someone who gets my friends, and gets along with them. I want someone who’s manly and strong, and will stand up for me when I need it.
.. ..
Idk call me an optimist. Or an idiot, whichever you prefer. I just would like to think that I can live my life without regrets, exactly as I’d like to live it. Yeah, it can’t be perfect, and yes you’re going to date idiots and jerks, but you don’t have to STAY with them. It took me forever to figure that out, but thank God I did.

You Think You're a Man, But You're Only a Boy, You Think You're a Man, But You're Only a Toy

Ah, you GOTTA love nuveau-homocentric techno music. Don't you agree? There's nothing better than heavy synthesizers and an all to prevalent driving beat. Lovely.

Moving on. *changes to Across the Universe album*

There we go. Writing music. Nay...too.....I don't know. Now where do I keep that shuffle button....

Anywho...I'm beginning to think I'm over-susceptible to advertising. While watching the Cottonelle commercial, I was fully convinced it was the only toilet paper for me. Why? Not because of it's promised strength or guaranteed comfort, or even attractive packaging. No, no...nothing that sensible. It was, in fact, the extremely endearing golden lab puppy getting spa treatments and telling me to 'be kind to my behind'.

Being twenty-two I thought I had escaped the naivete of my youth. The child-like fascination with bright colors and talking animals. Nope. I'm just as roped in by these as ever. If a puppy can convince me to buy enough Cottonelle to practice mummification, what other things in life have I fallen for too easily just because of the attractive sheen given to the pitch? I can think of a few toxic friends and exes that presented an all too superficially attractive 'product' only to be left disappointed, hurt, and wishing I had gotten the extended warranty. Or at least wishing I had found out before the thirty-day return policy had expired.

Which brought me to another thought...people, are products. When we meet a new person, even if we just want to be friends, there's almost a 'trial period' where we're getting to know each other. During this period the other person can decide whether or not they want to continue being your friend. A lot of people change their tune during this time. All of the sudden they become more agreeable, laugh more, and interested in what the other person has to say. It's like a live commercial.

This trial period in the mating game is called the first three dates. The first date being the most critical. All of the sudden the girly girl LOVES football, and the nerdy boy 'isn't much into online gaming'. We say what we think the other wants to hear- especially if we're deeply attracted to them. We make it seem as if stress, anger, and any negative emotion never even crossed But later, after the 90 day return policy has expired, the claws come out. All of the sudden, she feels as if he alienates her for video games, and he feels as if she spends more time on her appearance than with him. The fighting, arguing, and stress begins.

We're all guilty of it. I doubt anyone can say they successfully put it ALL out on the table on the first date and lived to see a second. I wish there were a CarFax for people.

"Well, hello. Can I take you to dinner sometime?"

*hmm, he's cute. Well dressed. Great smile. No ring."

"Sure, just show me the BaggageFax"

"Uhhhh...I'll take you some place REALLY nice."

"Great, just, show me the BaggageFax."

"I'm worth over a million dollars."

"Uhhh, k, but I just want to see the BaggageFax."

If only I could market a service such as that. Don't just go on dates willy-nilly (YES, willy-nillly, I went there), get the BaggageFax! Guaranteed to help you avoid the Douchebags!

So basically people who can actually rope someone into actually marrying them are masters in marketing...

I wish it weren't like that. I wish we could lay it out on the table and not run the risk of watching the other person haul ass...away from you. But maybe you're not meant to word vomit your past onto their lap on your first outing... I guess all I can ask is that people, whether on a first date, or meeting new friends, just try to be more honest, without being TOO intimate too soon. Maybe instead of admitting you've spent the past week playing Sims 3 during every waking hour you were not at work and saying 'I'm pretty into the Sims....' or instead of saying you take two and a half hours getting ready you could say 'I spend a considerable amount of time preparing to go out, but the end result sure is worth it'.

I don't know. I just operate under an honesty is the best policy. Don't say you like something you don't, don't say something doesn't bother you when it does, and DON'T pretend to know about or like something you don't. It will come back to bite you in the ass. I can almost guarantee it.

So next time you're on your next Marketing Outing just remember....not too much...not too little.

You know you <3 me

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