Thoreau, Shakespear, Plath, Dickens, DUFF?!

So Hilary Duff is supposed to write a young adults book series. Yes, the girl who brought you songs such as 'Boom Boom Bang Bang' and 'I Want to Blow You Up'- songs which I just realized, together, make her sound like a terrorist threat- is going to be writing novels for our enjoyment.

I don't know about you, but I'm personally thrilled. I can't wait to see what her bubblegum-pop persona and perfectly manicured hands 'write' for us. (As if she's fooling anyone- shadow writers are becoming more and more popular, Hilary! We know there's one in your pink, bejeweled Blackberry right now! I mean...did you really think those songs were written by her?)

I can see it now, the main protagonist- a blond, waif- like teenage girl, desperate to find the perfect pedicure. But alas, all of the good places are swarmed with the smelly paparazzi- what will she do??? Then, a magical assistant pulls up a Bing listing of local in-home spa specialists and orders one straight to our heroine's door- the day is saved!! Her tootsies never felt or looked better. In the end,she learned the value of having people wait on you hand...and foot! (Oh yes, see how I went there??)

I digress. I actually kind of like Hilary Duff in a weird 'You're not Miley Cyrus' kind of way- you know? I feel like I'm not alone in this. I mean, Hilary tries to exert her individuality by painting her once petal-pink nails matte black, starving herself, and extricating herself from the tabloid scene (SO passe!). I can respect this; I was once a teenage girl, and the normal thing to do is paint your nails, dye your hair, eat only celery while hating your thighs, and carry a copy of The Feminine Mystique with you everywhere.

Little Miss 'Sweet Niblets' herself (Miley), chooses to express HER individuality by pole-dancing, dressing thirty years beyond herself, and randomly making out with everyone and everything with a 'chastity ring'. It has to be exhausting.

As a person who wants to one day become a parent, I don't see how someone like good ol' Billy Ray can let his daughter tumble down this rabbit hole. They should know better. Let us refer to the Gospel of Child Stars, book Lindsay: Chapter Two; book Britney Chapter 4; Book Haley Joel; book Macaulay; etc etc etc. I would be terrified to let my child join the top ranks of black tar heroine consumers, sex fiends, and attention whores. Call me crazy.

All I can hope for is that my children will one day look at these people with as much disdain as I do. By then, these peoples' children will be the new crop of spoiled, mindless, shells of people....with driver's licenses....and the ability to vote....I'm getting more and more terrified by the minute.